Because I Want To.

  Wow, y'all I haven't done this in FOREVER. Soooo, why not? I don't really know except that I haven't felt like talking about things. It seems like all I EVER do is talk about what's wrong. Yeah, I have TONS of drama...welcome to my world. So, here's what's new:

School: I had finals last week and I am kinda sorta REALLY worried about my grades. My finals were BeAsTs. :( Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Yep, I won't know my grades for awhile. But I did my bestest and I'm just glad it's over. Hmmmm. Next topic:

Paul: Since he is the only guy I ever talk to, I will start with him.....School is over, therefore I haven't seen Paul in more than a week. :( Ugh. But guys, really? I don't think he is that "Prince Charming" that I have been waiting for to come and rescue me from this dark abyss of missing the NEXT topic like crazy. Sure, Paul is a REALLY good guy and I MIGHT have thought about maybe kissing him ( :P Hehe. )....but I think he is WAY better off as just a friend. And do NOT try to change my mind Tori - it's FINAL! :) I don't even know if we will be hanging out over the summer...who knows? And the sad thing is that I don't even know if I'm okay with that thought. I mean yeah, I am going to miss him....but I think I'll get over it. Things have kind of changed in our friendship recently. I don't know exactly how to explain it. He acts more and more like Jed every time we hang out now. He is more sarcastic and snappy. I mean, I know the guy works and everything...but he doesn't have to take it out on me. He ALWAYS complains about how he got NO sleep. And I just can't help but think "Hmmmmm, you stay up playing online games until the crack of DAWN for goodness sake!" Ugh, why are some boys so DUMB?! Next topic....(P.S. It's gonna be about Jed...so if you don't want to hear about it, or you're "tired" of it....then get the crap over it and just skip it.) ....Wow, that sounded mean - sorry. I'm just having yet ANOTHER hard day.

Jed: Oh what to say? So, everyone knows that his birthday was April 20 (4-20)? Yes, go ahead - get the laughing out of your system. Anywhos, so I wanted to take him out for his b-day, because even though we don't really speak much anymore and I broke his heart and ego into tiny pieces - I should still do something nice for the poor boy, right? So, I called him that weekend and aksed what he was doing and he said that he was fixing his car then I said that I wanted to take him out as kinda like a belated birthday thingy. And he was all ilke "Ummmm, you do know that you really don't have to do that, don't you?" And I told him yes, that I was going to do it because I wanted to. But he was working on his car and he ws at his parent's house so he said maybe anither time. And I said okay. So, about a week ago I missed him like freakin' crazy and so I called him - he didn't call back. GO figure. Well I went to seminary last Tuesday or was it Wed.? I don't know or really care.....But Brother Dale said that he went with the missionaries to visit Jed and he told me that he wasn't doing very well. So considering the fact that he REFUSES to return my phone calls OR texts so I decided to just show up the next day to his junky trailer. Momma, Nate, and I went to Lewisburg to check on Nate's house there and we stopped by Kroger on the way home. So, I thought "What the heck, I'll just by him mangos, junk food, and a $20 gift card to Kroger for groceries." Because honeslty, I have been worried about him. Okay, so I go home, get myself cleaned up, and head off to Jed's with a prayer into God that I will be able to do this and he will NOT be a jerk about the whole thing. Wellllll - I guess God was busy. Just my luck: I show up in the blazer with Momma and Nate and see Jed and Blake outside behind Blake's car. Ugh, then I take a DEEP breath and get out of the car. The first thing that was said?

"Hey, loser."-me (Come on give me a brake - I was about to hide under a rock.)
"Haha, loser?" -Blake
"Shut up, I was talking to him."-me
"Here this is for you....it's your birthday present."-me
"Okay."-Jed
-Then the box almost drops-
"Oh, sorry there's some magoes in there."-me
-Jed looks at me like I'm doing the drugs HE is...Then Blake decides to make the WHOLE thing WORSE-
"Awwwww, how cute."-Blake
-Then I get kinda fed up, I mean really - that was SO freakin' uncalled for!!! :( Grrr.
"Blake seriously, shut the crap up."-Me
"Hey, so what are you doing tonight?"-Me
"Ummm, I'm gonna hang out with Blake."-Jed
"Can we atleast talk for a minute?"-Me
"Now?"-Jed
"Well, considering the fact that you refuse to anwser your phone......"-Me
"No, we can't talk. Not right now."-Jed
"Sooo, why exactly ARE you ignoring me? Do you HATE me now or something? I mean, really Jed...what's going on?"-Me
"Why are you even here?"-Jed
"I don't know, maybe because I miss you. And even though you might hate me, I still want to be friends. So, I just thought that I would stop by..."-Me
-Then he looks at the box again-
"So, are you going to OPEN it or what? There's some mangoes, junk food, and a gift card to Kroger....Because I don't know how groceries are for you right now."-Me
"You do KNOW that I HAVE my OWN money, right?!"-Jed
-That one tipped the scale. What was I supposed to say to that? "Yes, Jed I DO know that yo uhave a job that PAYS you....Therefore they hand you money for the work that you do, but I wanted to do something nice for you because I miss you like crazy and even though you hate me and treat me like crap -I'm still madly in love with you?!"
So, then I just leave. It seemed like the best thing for me to at that point.

The End.

   While Nate and Momma are in GA, I am staying here at the Draper's house. And don't worry, I am fine with that. In fact I might even be having fun. :) But I am sleeping in Jed's old bed, showering in his old shower.....you get the clue.

  Well, that's all I feel like talking about right now. I am already crying in the middle of the kitchen in front of Pam AND Anika. More later, I promise. That's the end.