Day By Day

 So, what is up? Tons. It's as simple as ABC mixed with emotions and a boy who deserves a better friend.

 Today I am on my way to class at 9:27-ish thinking "Hey, I'm ACTUALLY going to be on time to this class for once..." When I walk in and see two girls from my class comming down the stairwell who tell me class is canceled. Yep, so I'm all like "hmmmm, okay. I guess I'll go see if I can find Paul." So, I go to the library to the upstairs comp lab and he's not there, then I go out to the back parking lot and he's not there either so I figure that he has already left for his Hardee's breakfast. So I hang out in the Hickman building and sit on a bench inside and just chill and take some pictures. It was a well needed break. I enjoyed the quietness of simply being. And then I could have sworn that I heard a church song. I mean I know that someone had one classical music, but I really sounded like a hymn to me. And I got to thinking: "what am I doing? I know that I am supposed to go to BYU." I could feel God's presence. And it almost felt like he was saying "Emily, you know it's going to be okay, why do you worry SO much?" I could have cried right then and there. I miss knowing that no matter what I have a testimony of the truthfullness of our church. I know it's true - so WHY do I still find myself making the same stupid mistakes and questioning what I know is truth? I have a lot of thinking and praying to do.
  So, after all of this I went into the library and looked on craigslist some more...and then I went to Spanish class. I love that class. It frustrates the crap outta me sometimes, but I love the material / teacher / my classmates. Class always makes me smile.
  After class I walked with Kristie to the library so that I could use her book to make some coppies of an essay that I have to read for Speech class. And we both could not figure out how to use the darn coppy machine, so I went to ask a librarian for some help. And after I said that I needed help with the machine she was all like: "what, is it stuck?" and I'm like "ummmm, no. I just don't know how to use a coppy machine and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind showing me how to use it?" Then she very rudely replied "you know it's NOT that hard, all you do is put what you want coppied down, then close it!" But after me STILL looking lost as all get go, she finally got up and went in there to help me out. AND everyone around heard the whole thing - I was mortified. :(
   To make matters even worse, I walked up the stairwell of the library to where I meet Paul. And this really cute guy decides that he wants to be cool and slide down the railing...and almost hits me in the face. He was all like "oh my word, I am soooo sorry. I was just being immature..." I told him it was coolio and then there was one of his other friends at the top of the stairs who held out the door for me...but I saw that Paul was sitting on one of the chairs on the balcony and I told the guy that I wasn't going through the door - but thanks anyways. Paul had the biggest smile after this happened.
   So I sit by him and tell him about the happenings of the evil mean library lady. And I was getting pretty upset, because I am on my period and I didn't sleep well AGAIN last night. And I told him that I have already bought his birthday present (March 9th is his b-day). I told him that we'd have to go to Franklin though. (I bought a gift certificate off of the online thingy that Momma uses for like 3 bucks and the certificate os for $25! A.K.A. I was really happy.) Then told me that he was just in Franklin yesterday. So, I asked him if he went there to go shopping ('cause I mean come on - what else you would do if you're not a Mormon and you went all the way there...?) And he smiled and said no, then got quiet. Then he said that he went there with Desiree (a girl that used to live here and be friends with both him and his ex. She just moved back of something.) to get some ice cream. He went ALL the way to Franklin for some ice cream?! What in the world? Whatever....and he even talked about how he hasn't seen her in like a year and he went on about how she has not changed a bit. "She's the same short girl, with scene hair. She looked really pretty..." Bla. Bla. Freakin' BLA. Ugh, I could have just walked off. I mean really, I wanted to just find a rock and crawl under it.
   And then I told him that I talked to Tori last night and how I know deep down that I'm supposed to go to BYU. I even told him that I thought that I heard a hymn earlier. And I kept talking about my life's problems and started CRYING. Right then and there in front of a guy who I know, even though I don't understand why, would listen to EVERY word I said. As soon as I started, he looked at me and said "Miss Emily, are you okay? Really, what's wrong?" I just lost it.....I talked about everything from the family to Jed and how I'm so worried about him, to me not knowing what to do with my life. I cried and ranted for almost 45 mins. He just sat there and listened. I mean REALLY listened. Then after I was tired of making myself look like a complete fool, I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere to eat. And so we got up from the chairs on the top of the staircase and as soon as I stood up he gave me a hug. Something so simple that meant the WORLD to me at the time. I just stood there hugging him and crying into his jacket. It was amazing. I know that it might sound SUPER lame and cheezy, but it was exactly what I needed at the time.
   Then we got in the car at about 1:20 or so and decided that we didn't really have enough time to really go anywhere, so we walked across the street and sat out in the field between campus and the drivers ed. place. I brought with me two bananas and about half of a Symphony bar. So, we sat out there and ate...then it was time for him to go to class. Which is where he is right now while I am blogging to my family about how much I apreciate his friendship. I don't deserve someone like him to talk to and hang out with. He's too nice and considerate. And I look at myself and think "you are such a jerk. Why he puts up with you, I can't even begin to comprehend."
    Speeking of being a jerk: I have some things to say to a few people. I'm sorry that I'm am doing this via my blog, but these are things that need to be said and I really don't want to put them off any longer.

So, here goes:

Nathan: I am so sorry for being rude and snappy with you since Christmas time. I love you. I really do, I just don't what to say all of the time. It's much easier for me to be a complete witch than to tell you what I'm honeslty feeling. I miss being able to talk to you about anything that is bothering me. I miss riding around in your ghetto car and singing with you. I heard Third Eyed Blind this morning on my way to school and thought of you. You are an amazing person who means that world to me. You're family - literally. I just want you to know how much I love you. Your Father in Heaven loves you more than anyone. Remeber that - always. Nathan, go to church. I don't mean to tell you what to do, but we BOTH know that you should be there. So, just get up and go. It's not easy to get yourself up when your week has been so busy, I know, but promise me that you will do it. Make the commitment to go and it will get easier to stick with it. Take care of Chris for us. I know that you don't really spend much time at home, but make sure that he keeps his butt in line. I know that it's not your responsibility to look out for him, and I understand that he's a grown man....but just please help him realize that he needs to be better. I love you SO freakin' much, I'm sorry about being snappy with you all of the time. I really don't mean to be. I just need some understanding right now from you. Oh, and whenever you talk to Momma please remind her just how much you are grateful for her. She's going through HECK right now and she deserves your kindness. Thanks.

Tori: I miss the crap out of you. I really do...talking to you last night reminded me of that. I can't wait until you come home for the Summer. I miss my other half of the Fisher Twins. I'm sorry for being snippity with you last night about money and school. I'm just really stressed out about things. I'm so glad that you are out at BYU. It has always been your goal, and it is one you are striving to reaching daily. I'm so happy for you girl. I always knew that you would be going places in life. Try not to break TOO many hearts? :)

Vivian: Hmmmm, wow. Where do I even begin? I am so glad that I have gotten to know you better through the past couple of years. I'm sorry that I was such a brat growing up. I've always looked up to you, I want you to know just how much the fact that you and Mark got a temple marriage means to me. It is my biggest goal in life - to be able to have my family for forever. I love that I can talk to you all of the time over facebook. You always brighten my day with all of your silly comments! You are a WONDERFUL mother and wife. And you are beautiful inside and out. It means tons to me that I am able to talk to you about my problems and my mistakes and to know that when I'm done crying and ranting to you, that you look at me and say just what I need to hear. I know it may sound a little weird, but I am grateful for all of the things you went through as a teen. Even though it was hard for you at the time, you were able to get through it a better and stringer woman. And I'm glad that you share your stories and experiences with me, so that I can learn and realize that everyone makes mistakes. You have taught me SO much, and for that I would like to tell you thanks.

Brianna: I am so glad that you married into the family. I am serious. I see how Owen looks at you and it amazes me how much love the two of you share. I know that I haven't always been the nicest person to be around. And for that I am so sorry. I love you girlie. You are soooo fun and crazy. You and Owen are the cutest couple EVER. :) Thank you for getting him off our hands. Hehe. Kidding. But I really do love you. Oh, and thanks for having Patrick. He is SUCH a sweet little boy and I am so happy to be his Aunt.

Coty: I miss you so much. I remember the first time I saw you at the bookstore and thought "Wait a second...THAT'S her? She's BEAUTIFUL!" Truthfully. :) I want you to understand just how much you are loved. You are my sister no matter what happens in this life. You are a strong woman and I have so much respect for you. I can't say just how sorry I am for Chris's behavior towards you and the girls. He doesn't get what he's missing. I see pictures of you and the girls and think to myself "If I could smack some sense into that boy, I would in a heart beat." Hang in there. I love you sooo freakin' much. I am so glad that you are such a good mother to those amazing little girls. They might drive you crazy half ot the time, by they will become your best friends in life with time.

Well, guys...I gotta go. So, I'll post more whenevr I feel like boring you all to death again.
Much Love Y'all
Emily