"Welcome to the farm - Where you can roll your windows down." -Luke Bryan

     Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Tennessee? Haha, well I do. I might be a southern girl - born in Georgia - but sorry GA, I'm a Tennessee girl at heart. :)
    
     Yup, Happy Black Friday peeps. Oh, and Happy late Turkey Day. I hope y'all ate LOADS of good food and shopped 'till you dropped. I know I did! Thanksgiving with Vivian, Mark and David Ammon has been super fun and funny.
     I just LOVE David Ammon. Tonight Vivian and Mark went out for a date night and I was left "baby-sitting" (I'd rather call it play-time). DA had me read his books to him about ten times - each! I tried to stop, because I've had a headache all day...but he would NOT have it! Oh, he's getting so big. He's at that age when he HAS to have his way. It's so cute, so he kept me awake AND busy. :)
     So I have found that the older I get - the more I like country music. I'm a traitor to our "Nathan's-country-music-hating-in-the-car" Tori, I'm sorry. For example: I am listening to Keith Urban right now. Yup, I like Lady Antebellum, Darius Rucker, Luke Bryan and a few others too.
     I like Keith Urban the best. *Sighs* his voice is so calming and peaceful. I love the song "Tonight I Wanna Cry". It's about how I feel right now. Yeah, it's depressing - I know. But it's the way I feel most of the time. I believe that crying is the body's way of telling us that it's all going to be alright. That after all the pain we experience there is still hope of true happiness again.
     I miss Jed. I mean - REALLY miss him. I hate this. But hey, at least we talk now. It just sucks because we haven't hung out together outside of school since the night of the dance in Smurna. The other day we were sitting in the computer lab after our Comp. class while waiting for our ride home and I showed him this 100 questions thingy that I answered from Facebook. I let him read my answers, then he answered them out loud because we had about 20 mins. to kill...Anyways, when we got towards the end one of the questions was: "Have you ever had your heart broken?" and he answered yes. I don't think I've ever felt so sad/bad/guilty/depressed/down right bad about the night I decided we should just be friends. :(
     The world tells teenage girls that "time heals every wound". Well what if this is one that I don't want to forget or loose? I never actually "wanted" to hurt him or myself. But I guess that in the end, this is the right thing for the both of us at this time in our lives.
     Song playing in my headphones right now: "Wheel" -John Mayer. Again, it's a song that helps explain things to me...Life goes on, people change, time passes and we just have to deal with it.
     Who knows - maybe in about three or four years when Jed returns from his mission, we will have something again. It sounds dorky and typically teenaged, but I sure hope that things still work out between us like we planned. But when I think about it - life is never really what we plan it to be. This week especially has reminded me that although we may not get exactly what we expected, we are given everything that we need to be happy - the gospel.
     Tuesday Jed didn't have music class, so me him and Paul hung out together. We went to Wal-Mart and then just sat and talked in the Hickman Building. After Jed went to class me and Paul went to the park. We walked around acting stupid then sat on a bench and just talked.
     He is non-denominational and knows that I am Mormon, so he asked me what I believed/how we differ from "normal" Christians. So, for the first time in my life I told someone just what I really believed in without anyone to take the lead.
     And I mean wow, I can't even BEGIN to explain the Spirit that I felt while doing this. I told him everything I knew: from the first vision to the prophet today. I talked about repentance and temple marriage. I explained what I knew about the priesthood and that Jesus is my Savior and how I love him and can't wait to see him and God the Father again. Oh, it was amazing.
     And you know what? He sat there and listened the whole time! No matter what I thought, he didn't look at me like I was crazy or criticize me - at all. He just sat and contemplated every word I said. We talked about religion for about an hour and a half.
     Before we left I asked him if he had ever had a warm feeling in his heart where the Spirit told him something was true and he said "yes." And I told him that that is the way I feel about this church. I may not understand everything yet, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that ALL of these things are true. It was sooo beautiful to be reminded that we have been sent here on this earth to find joy and to help others and teach them of what we know to be true.
     I told all of this to Vivian the other night while we were talking and started balling my eyes out. It made me miss girls camp and youth conference. I am so glad that our church has amazing youth programs so that we, as teens, can join together growing in unity and friendship.
     Anyways, sorry this is so long. I have just had a really interesting week. Yup, I'm getting tired of typing and asking Vivian how to spell things, so I'm going to hopefully talk to y'all again soon.
     Something to make yous-guys smile: David Ammon just went into his room and the next thing I see is his big Pooh Bear in his arms while stumbling into the living room to find his mommy. He's such a great child and I am so lucky to have him as a nephew. :)

Much Love.