Bla Bla Bla....It's cold outside.

     Hmmmmm, what to write? It's cold and I am wearing my snow boots - a.k.a - super cute today. Jed's parents are being jerks. There are tons of mice living in the house with me and momma. I saw like atleast five around the house yesterday. They are like camacozzie ninjas. Momma saw one climbing up the quilt that we have under the tree last night. I was in the bathroom and she starts SCREAMING at it. It was SOOOO funny! "You get down from that tree, you STUPID mouse!" hehe. It was REALLY funny. :)
     I'm listening to some good old Cris Brown right now. Yup, I have math and composition class today. I am so tired it's rather riducilus. I don't sleep. My body woke me up at four this morning. Me and Jed talk when he's not being a moody little boy. Oh, welcome to being a teenager. Things are so complicated in my life right now, I want to just scream sometimes. I just wish that we could hang out like we used to, but every time I invite him over he comes up with some already over-used excuse. Lameo dork-face teen boy.
                  Um, sorry this is so scatter brained. I just have tons of things on my mind.......
     Me and momma were supposed to have the house done today, but since the whole mouse thingy we haven't been able to get much done. I drank a bottle of almond milk this morning for breakfast. :) It was yummy.
     I had another major melt down Saturday night. I cried histarically for a really long time. I had Brother Vanhook and Brother Bradford come over and give me a blessing. I am so stressed about the house, finals, money and it doesn't help that me and Jed aren't that close anymore. If it weren't for the fact that I have an amazing family I'd go crazy. I haven't had a period since I got home from Texas. Which was awhile ago. Vivian thinks that I should go to a gynecologist about it. Which I might have to do. :( Ugh, that's gonna suck. This Sunday was fast and testimony meeting. It was really good. I shared mine in Young Women's during the third hour. Our ward's Evening In Excellence is tomorrow night. I am singing a solo: Vaillant Faith by Jenney Phillips. It's a really pretty song.
     I miss Tori and her make-up less face. I miss Vivian and her cute pregnant self. I miss David Ammon and his "Pooh watchin'" little self. I miss Owen and fishing out on the lake together. I miss Bruce thinking he's always right. I miss talking to Chris about life and boys that I like that he threatens to beat up. I Brianna and her amazingly curly beautiful hair. I miss Nathan and singing along to Chris Brown's Crawl, which I happen to be listening to right now. I miss Caitlyn and Ellla and hearing them talk about their findings. I miss Coty and going out to eat with just me her and momma while everyone else stayed at the hotel. I miss everyone sooo much.
     And Jed just got out of class.....so I have to go.
Much Love.

"Welcome to the farm - Where you can roll your windows down." -Luke Bryan

     Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Tennessee? Haha, well I do. I might be a southern girl - born in Georgia - but sorry GA, I'm a Tennessee girl at heart. :)
    
     Yup, Happy Black Friday peeps. Oh, and Happy late Turkey Day. I hope y'all ate LOADS of good food and shopped 'till you dropped. I know I did! Thanksgiving with Vivian, Mark and David Ammon has been super fun and funny.
     I just LOVE David Ammon. Tonight Vivian and Mark went out for a date night and I was left "baby-sitting" (I'd rather call it play-time). DA had me read his books to him about ten times - each! I tried to stop, because I've had a headache all day...but he would NOT have it! Oh, he's getting so big. He's at that age when he HAS to have his way. It's so cute, so he kept me awake AND busy. :)
     So I have found that the older I get - the more I like country music. I'm a traitor to our "Nathan's-country-music-hating-in-the-car" Tori, I'm sorry. For example: I am listening to Keith Urban right now. Yup, I like Lady Antebellum, Darius Rucker, Luke Bryan and a few others too.
     I like Keith Urban the best. *Sighs* his voice is so calming and peaceful. I love the song "Tonight I Wanna Cry". It's about how I feel right now. Yeah, it's depressing - I know. But it's the way I feel most of the time. I believe that crying is the body's way of telling us that it's all going to be alright. That after all the pain we experience there is still hope of true happiness again.
     I miss Jed. I mean - REALLY miss him. I hate this. But hey, at least we talk now. It just sucks because we haven't hung out together outside of school since the night of the dance in Smurna. The other day we were sitting in the computer lab after our Comp. class while waiting for our ride home and I showed him this 100 questions thingy that I answered from Facebook. I let him read my answers, then he answered them out loud because we had about 20 mins. to kill...Anyways, when we got towards the end one of the questions was: "Have you ever had your heart broken?" and he answered yes. I don't think I've ever felt so sad/bad/guilty/depressed/down right bad about the night I decided we should just be friends. :(
     The world tells teenage girls that "time heals every wound". Well what if this is one that I don't want to forget or loose? I never actually "wanted" to hurt him or myself. But I guess that in the end, this is the right thing for the both of us at this time in our lives.
     Song playing in my headphones right now: "Wheel" -John Mayer. Again, it's a song that helps explain things to me...Life goes on, people change, time passes and we just have to deal with it.
     Who knows - maybe in about three or four years when Jed returns from his mission, we will have something again. It sounds dorky and typically teenaged, but I sure hope that things still work out between us like we planned. But when I think about it - life is never really what we plan it to be. This week especially has reminded me that although we may not get exactly what we expected, we are given everything that we need to be happy - the gospel.
     Tuesday Jed didn't have music class, so me him and Paul hung out together. We went to Wal-Mart and then just sat and talked in the Hickman Building. After Jed went to class me and Paul went to the park. We walked around acting stupid then sat on a bench and just talked.
     He is non-denominational and knows that I am Mormon, so he asked me what I believed/how we differ from "normal" Christians. So, for the first time in my life I told someone just what I really believed in without anyone to take the lead.
     And I mean wow, I can't even BEGIN to explain the Spirit that I felt while doing this. I told him everything I knew: from the first vision to the prophet today. I talked about repentance and temple marriage. I explained what I knew about the priesthood and that Jesus is my Savior and how I love him and can't wait to see him and God the Father again. Oh, it was amazing.
     And you know what? He sat there and listened the whole time! No matter what I thought, he didn't look at me like I was crazy or criticize me - at all. He just sat and contemplated every word I said. We talked about religion for about an hour and a half.
     Before we left I asked him if he had ever had a warm feeling in his heart where the Spirit told him something was true and he said "yes." And I told him that that is the way I feel about this church. I may not understand everything yet, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that ALL of these things are true. It was sooo beautiful to be reminded that we have been sent here on this earth to find joy and to help others and teach them of what we know to be true.
     I told all of this to Vivian the other night while we were talking and started balling my eyes out. It made me miss girls camp and youth conference. I am so glad that our church has amazing youth programs so that we, as teens, can join together growing in unity and friendship.
     Anyways, sorry this is so long. I have just had a really interesting week. Yup, I'm getting tired of typing and asking Vivian how to spell things, so I'm going to hopefully talk to y'all again soon.
     Something to make yous-guys smile: David Ammon just went into his room and the next thing I see is his big Pooh Bear in his arms while stumbling into the living room to find his mommy. He's such a great child and I am so lucky to have him as a nephew. :)

Much Love.
    

It's about time...I know. :)

So, I just read Tori and Vivian's new posts...and I REALLY miss you girls!
On way of school: I got back a Spanish test that I thought I did REALLY badly on. And guess what I made? A 96! :) Bahahahaha, I'm AMAZING! hehe. I'm going to take Spanish II next semester. I LOVE Spanish. I think that I might even be a Spanish minor. Momma thinks that I should make it my major, which I might...but who knows. I was thinking the other day about how maybe I'd like to be a Spanish professor? But I guess I'll just have to take the classes and see how things work out.
On the topic of me and Jed: We have gone through some rough times since we called it quits. But all in all things are looking up. We are friends. Not quite as close as we were before we started dating...but almost. I think that we both know that this will take some work, but he is willing to try. Which is good because I was about to DIE knowing that he pretty much hated my guts. Just kidding, he WAS upset for awhile though. Yup...
We are in the log cabin as of last weekend. It's coolio. Kind of scary, but I guess that living in something that is REALLY old is going to make noises. Oh, and we have MICE! :( EWWWW! bahahaha...but whatever.

Anywhos, Jed just got out of class and Jeff is making fun of me being a dork and blogging...so I'm gonna go. More later, I promise.

Much Love,
The Most Amazing Person Ever. :P

"I can see clearly now that the rain is gone." :)

Just kidding about the title...it's still POURING outside, but I'm happy none-the-less. :)

We're talking again. :) :) :) :) :) :) (Get the clue peolpe...I'm HAPPY!) Hehe.

So the story goes: he has been driving me to seminary Mon, Tues, and this morning. So Monday there was sillience in the car on the way to the church...it was the worst. And once we got in there we still both sat in our usual places, but our chairs were far apart. Then I wrote down on a piece of paper "Can you give me a ride to school?" and slid it his way. And for the first time he looked at me and he looked tired and sadly and nodded. So I wrote back "Thanks". And that's about the extent of our comunication on Monday.

But on Tuesday, when his dad dropped us off at school we were walking in the Warf building and he asked me where we were going to meet Jeff. So I told him idk, and asked him if it was alright if I went with them like always and he said yeah, so I was all like "I mean I could just stay here if you don't want me to go...I don't care either way." (which is something I always say when I really DO care...and he knows this, so he kind of looked at the ground and smiled.) So I said "What are we doing?" and he said "We're avoiding each other." and I said "I hate this, don't you?" and he said "Yeah, we're supposed to be friends."

So now we talk and laugh again like good old times. :) We hung out with Jeff Fredline and had a blast yesterday afternoon. And afterward I walked him to his next class. When we got to the door we both slowed down and I looked at him and was all like "Ummm, are we allowed to..." and he said "Hug?" and I said "Yeah? I mean what do you think?" and he said "Yes, we can hug. I mean - friends hug." And so we did.

Yup, it's lame and dorky but I missed us ACTUALLY being friends. Which we now are...again. *Smiles.*

Welcome to my drama...

Yup, as most of you already know...me and Jed aren't dating anymore. I told him on the way home from the dance on Saturday night that we are better off as friends. When we were friends, we actually TALKED which is something we don't really do anymore and we don't really hang out either. I just feel like the more I try to make things work, the more he pulls away. His mom has made it quite clear that she doesn't want us to spend time with each other and that was putting and unneeded amount of stress on the both of us. I went over to his house on Friday night to watch Chocolat and Pam had Anika and her friend Julie watch it with us to "chaperone". Needless to say...I was not in a very good mood when I got home. I guess that since I have cried almost every day since we got home from Texas, I knew that something needed to change. I just didn't expect things to be so hard. When I got home from the dance, I cried HYSTERICALLY for almost three hours. Yeah, I know...that's loads of tears. :( Thank goodness I have momma to try and make things okay. So Sunday morning Jed calls at about 11am and asks if we are going to need a ride to church. The Fredline's were planning to give us one, so I told him "no, but thanks anyway". And I was thinking "maybe he doesn't hate me afterall." Well.....I was worng.

When I got to church I sat in my normal spot on the third row where the Drapers sit (they weren't there yet, because momma had choir practice, so I was there early). Anywhos, Anika and her friend Julie sat to my left and there was the rest of the bench to my right. (that's where Jed sits...) So after the blessing and passing of the sacrament Jed goes and sits on the OTHER side beside his dad. The same for sunday school, he sat on one end of the room and I sat on the other. He wouldn't even look at me. Ugh, I hate this.

So, yup. That's about the story in the readers digest form.

Well that's it for now...hopefully by the time I get around to writing my next post things will be happier and less depressing. But I guess that I just have to take things one small step at a time and hope for the best.

My Weekend Get-A-Way.

 So I had a MAJOR melt down last night at Jed's house, then later with momma at our house. I mean oh my word, did I do LOADS of crying last night... Needless to say, momma and I both decided that a weekend getaway to Vivian's place in the good ole' Boro was JUST the solution to my problems.

This morning Vivian and David Ammon showed up at the house to pick me up. So what happened today: lunch at Taco Bell in Columbia, the play-place at the mall here in Murfresboro, Sam's Club to pick up some chicken for dinner, the making/eating of that AMAZING dinner, and.......Mason coming over to hang out with the big kids (David Ammon went to bed as soon as he came over)! It was SUPER fun. (For those of you who don't know who Mason is: he is the funniest 17 year old kid in the world. :) He goes to church in Vivian and Mark's ward.) Yup, he came over and we played ERS (I won :P ), kimps (me and Mason were on the winning team), and rummy (Mark won).  After that me, Mark and Mason all went to Kroger to pick up some junk food. Hehe, they were having a sale on Fuzes (the greatest juice drinks ever made)....soooooo I bought 20 of them. Oh, and we watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. It is a really cute movie that I had already seen, but hey, a girl NEEDS a good chic-flick every once in awhile. :)

Yeah, that's about it.....I'm REALLY tired, and David Ammon wakes up early. So I'm gonna hit the sack. Love Y'all! :)

Lyrics for the day:

"When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart:

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this."

Soooo, Jed has been grounded since last Monday...his mom wanted him to plan FHE, he didn't want to....you get the clue. A.K.A. No phone, computer, i-pod, going anywhere, and most of all: NO me. UGHHHHH! I HATE this whole teenage "you're smart enough to get punished, but not responsible enough to have a real life" crap! I mean COME ON, we're freakin' in college and you want us to "ACT" like adults....so please start TREATING us like adults! Pam has slapped on TONS of new rules so now when I do get to hang out with him it is always turned into this big stressful deal of trash like "Anika (his little sister), can you ride with them?" Because one of the new rules is that Jed is not allowed to drive me home alone anymore...Which is SUPER lame, because this is our ONLY time to actually TALK with each other without being BOTHERED by anyone else. AND we park his car in front of our house with outside lights on. And everytime momma KNOWS exactly where we are the WHOLE time! I mean REALLY people, it's not like we are doing anything that could even be TURNED into something bad...at ALL! (Sorry for the ranting, but this is REALLY upsetting me!) Whatever, Hopefully they will un-ground him tonight. I missss my man. :(

Anyways, I'm sitting here in the Warf comp. lab. My next class is not until 2. Facebook is super boring. I'm almost done with Ender's Game. It's WAY better than I thought it would be. I actually ENJOY reading it. I went to school in my jammies today. I am super tired because I had this genius idea to take a nap as soon as I got home from church. So I fell asleep round 6:15-ish and woke up about 9:20-ish. Then I decided to crochet some. I ended up doing about one-third of a scarf. :) Hehe, so I didn't go back to bed until almost 2. Yup, I'm a lil' dumb. I already knew that.

Hmmmm, what else? Momma STILL doesn't have a car. Me and Jed are doing good, except for the fact that we hardly EVER get to spend time with each other. :( lameo.lameo.lameo. I ate Progresso chicken noodle soup for lunch. My tummy hurts like heck because I forgot that I had taken my meds OUT of my purse, hence the pain...I haven't taken my happy little purple pill today. Ummm, Wednesday night I'm going to Nashville to go to a free concert. Luke Bryan and Darius Rucker (the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish. And yes, Tori, he IS the one that Nate, momma and I saw last year), and some other people that I don't remember. It should be an AMAZING night/ Nashville adventure! :)

So, I have some time to kill.....

I have Algebra class today at 2, then Composition from 3:20-about 5. Yup, fun....I know! :) I just got back from Taco Bell. Me, Jed, and Jeff Fredline ran to the border to get away from this jail of a school. Hehe, just kiddin', but we did have a good time acting stupid at el bell de taco. Check THAT out for some proper Spanish skills. Ummmmmmmmmm, what else? I talked to Vivian earlier today on fb chat. It was coolio. Today is Thursday so I don't have school tomororow. And since Maury County schools are on fall break, I don't have seminary...a.k.a. I get to sleep past 5:20 am! YEAH...take THAT! :) Sorry, I'm SUPER pumped up. We had a bonfire/hayride last night for ym/yw and I had like 10 ewwwy gewwwwy yummmmmyyyy smoooooreeess! AND I ate a hotdog, chex-mix, and dranke like 2 sodas, too. Needless-to-say I was about to DIE this morning. But it was fun none-the-less. The hayride was freezing, I brought a jacket...but forgot it by the campfire.....soooooo, Jed put his arm around me and I ended up being more in HIS jacket than he was. :) But he didn't seem to mind. ;) hehe. kidding...again. Oh, the many joys of being a teenager and having an amazing boyfriend.
Not to get all gooey on y'all, but last night when I got home I talked to mom for like 20 mins. about how stinkin' cute my Jed-Darling is. Oh, and to crack y'all up some: when we were about to leave Brenna Brown's house last night, Charlie Plunket asked who was riding in what car back to the church and Brother Fredline (the ym president in our ward) was all like: "Well, I don't quite know yet, but it looks to me like Jed and his woman are going to be riding in my car."bahaha. Then Jed looked at me and was all like:"Jed and his woman...I like the sound of that!" :) Oh, what am I gonna do with him?! SUCH a teenage boy...yet sooooo adorable!
Anywhos, I miss-es my siss-es! I say that we ALL get together soon. We should meet in Las Vegas and have a girls of the Fisher/Fulton (ha Vivian, gotcha!) family getta-way. Is yous down wit it hommie? Sadly I'm kidding...again. But if we all could just pack up and leave everything, it SURE would make life easier.
I love y'all just the same and hope everything is going well. Hang in there ladies!
Love Always,
TheAMAZINGEmilyFisher
A.K.A. me :)

Stress-ed

 Ugh, soooo I just read Tori's blog and I missssss her. Vivian - you need to re-invite me to your blog because it's being gay and won't let me read it....
 Anywhos, today I have class from 2-5 pm. I am sitting at the college waiting until 9:20 when Jed gets out of class, so we can go pick up some breakfast with Jeff Fredline (Amy's man). I have BUTT-LOADS of work to do before class....yet here I am venting because I have NO one else to vent to. Mom still doesn't have a car, so  have been bumming rides pretty much from th Drapers. I hang out with Jed every day. We hung out Saturday with Paw-Paw and Vivian and Mark and David Ammon. It was pretty fun.
 Ugh, I'm tired ALL of the time now. I still take my Melatonin, but I just CAN'T sleep. I don't know where I want to be next year - school wise. In a way I want to go to BYU, but a part of me just wants to stay here in my comfort zone. I have been without my depression meds for about three days...mom just picked them up last night, so hopefully I will start to feel better. I know it's lame...but I really just want to break down and cry. But I can't, because I am in a public library, and I will smear my make-up that took me forever this morning to do because my face looks like I was attacked my a mob of red markers. :( lame teenager-ness.
 When it comes to Jed, everythings good. Amazing, actually. He has a way of making my crappy days better. Sounds dorky - I know - but it's true. We have a dance this Saturday night at our building. We have decided that we are going to be SUPER dorky and dance with each other almost EVERY slow dance. We sit together on Sundays and hold hands. We don't mind being together....but just about every youth boy (espically Blake) hates it. I know it shouldn't bother me....but it gets on my LAST nearves some times. But whatever, jerks will be jerks.
 But thats about it.....I guess I'm just pms-ing, so don't think that my life sucks...because it really doesn't. I'm just going through a hard time right now. But "when you're at rock bottom, you can only go UP!". The words of wisdom that make me realize that no matter what trails I may be going through, Jesus went through it all. And I'm NEVER alone. Okay guys, Jed just walked in and I'm actually feeling LOADS better after writing this so I going to get off.
 I love yous guys.

Today...Oh, the joys of being a teen. :)

 So today we moved our beds into the new house. It was pretty coolio. I had to go and mow, and I'm still not done so I have to go after Seminary in the morning. Ugh. So I figured since "Blogging" is the new Fisher/Fulton FAD, that I might as well start my own. Yup, I will try to blog as much as I can. Mom says that we should be moving into the new house sometime this week. And I am SUPER excited! It is going to be soooo much fun! Anywhos peeps...I have Seminary work to get around to, so I'ma hit 'da sack.
Love Y'all Bunches!
Emily Fisher